Stealing James Potter
by meow139
Summary: Heather Golden finds her way on to the Hogwarts Express, and meets James Potter. But Someone is waiting there for Heather, and is out for blood. And this someone is willing to recruit Lily Evans to do it. Expect Mary Sue Bashing


AN: Evil plot bunny! Just a oneshot, probably. Depends on how much fun I have in writing this.

Heather Golden stepped on the Hogwarts Express. She was seventeen and while waiting for her cousin at the train station, she saw someone walk through a wall. Following them of course, because she was just naturally inquisitive like that, and she found herself on a train platform. She saw people all around her in weird robes and stuff. Seeing the train, she decided that the best idea would be to board it, even though she had no clue where it was going. But it was a train, so it had to be alright.

She stepped on, waving cheerfully to a robed girl with long blond hair. Pretty, but nothing compared to her shimmering golden waves that cascaded down to her mid-back like a golden waterfall. Her lovely hair looked almost as if a bald person had poured a pot of honey on their head, or at least what it would look like should anyone be stupid enough to do that.

Her eyes were the deepest of green, greener than a forest or an emerald. They were wider than most people had ever seen before, ever. Ever. Ever. They seemed to shine when she was happy, and flash when she was irate.

She sat down in one of the compartments, facing a boy of about her age, with messy black hair and brown eyes behind round glasses. He was fiddling with a wooden stick-thing, and didn't look up as she sat down.

"Hi," She said happily. Perhaps this boy could tell her what was going on here.

The boy looked up, and was instantly transfixed by Heather. He quickly ran over to the other side of the compartment, sitting down next to her. "You're beautiful! I'm James Potter!" He smiled. He had a British accent, how adorable!

"Heather, Heather Golden. What is that thing?" Heather asked, gesturing to the stick.

"A wand," James replied without even looking down at it.

"A wand? Oh, you're a wizard!" Heather gasped prettily, her hand up to her mouth and hair bouncing like springs. But without the creakiness of springs, of course, that would be annoying.

"Yeah. You're a muggle?" He asked.

"A what?" Heather's eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

"A non-magical individual," James explained. He smiled at her in a charming way, as if he knew that that word was too good for her.

"Hmm, I suppose. Where is this train going?" She asked, a bit peeved at being called a muggle.

"Hogwarts, a wizarding school. I go to school there. To learn. Magic." James spoke choppily, his mind not really working in the presence of such beauty.

"Well…." Heather sighed, stretching out the word for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooong time. "Could I try your wand?"

"Sure!" James handed her his wand, his only wand. A little voice in the back of his mind nagged him that he needed that wand for school all year, and his parents would be furious if they had to get him a new one, and that giving it to this strange muggle that he had just met was a very, _very _bad idea. But he just told that voice to be quiet, Heather's talking now.

"Ooh! Sparkles!" Heather squealed as rainbow sparkled flew out of the tip of the wand as she waved it. "Oh, James, it's so beautiful! I'm a witch! So, can I go to Hogwarts with you?"

James nodded. "Of course." He began to show her some magic, even turning in to his animagus form, to show her how it works. She practiced for a few minutes, and quickly managed to turn into her new animagus form, a dragon. Just as she had sat back down again, grinning as james made little shapes fly out of his wand, did Remus walk in, his nose buried in what looked like a textbook.

"Hey, Prongs," He greeted, not looking up as he sat down on the other end of the compartment. "You haven't seen Peter anywhere, have you? I've been looking all over for him, and-"

"Moony, meet my new true love, Heather. Heather, this is Remus Lupin, my werewolf friend."

At this Remus went stiff, and he slowly raised his head to look at James and the strange new girl. _What_ had he just said?

"Werewolf? Why, James, whatever are you talking about?" Remus asked nervously, glaring daggers at James.

"I said, this is my were-"

"Oh, I love werewolves!" Heather grinned. "Don't worry, I won't tell! Can I keep you for a pet?" Her large green eyes widened until they seemed to stretch her skull, and Remus found it hard to resist saying yes to her.

But resist he did when the second thing James had said processed in his brain. "But, Prongs, what about Lily?"

James shrugged carelessly. "Old news, Remmy. Old news."

At this, Remus realized that James had gone entirely mental, and he raced out of the cabin screaming for Lily at the top of his lungs.

****XXXX

Lily Evans had just boarded the Hogwarts Express. She noted that she was one of the first aboard. Tuney had woken everyone in the house up an hour earlier than usual. She said that her alarm was wrong, but Lily knew that she was simply eager to get rid of her.

Not seeing Marlene, Alice or Dorcas anywhere, she traveled to their usual compartment and sat down. Humming to herself as she awaited her friends, Lily debated reading her book. She didn't notice a see-through girl with dark blonde hair and a blue dress sitting across from her until the girl spoke.

"Lily Evans?"

Lily looked up in surprise. "Oh! Oh, you scared me! Are you a ghost? I've never seen you before." She was trying to be friendly, as the girl looked harmless enough.

The girl smiled. "Finally, someone is being polite! Thank you! Anyway, I'm Celestia."

"Hi." Lily greeted, a bit puzzled at the odd name.

"I need your help, Lily." Celestia stated rather bluntly. "You see, I work for the SDC, Sue Destruction Corps. Do you know what a Mary Sue is?"

Lily shook her head, bewildered at the odd girl, as she launched in to an explaination of Mary Sues, what they do, and why they do it. And then she informed Lily about Heather.

"In fact," Celestia went on, gesturing towards the door. 'There just so happens to be a Sue on this very train right now, with Potter."

"With _Potter?! _Why would a Mary Sue go for someone like_ Potter? _I mean, I could see anybody else, even Snape, but_ Potter!?"_

"Oh, trust me, Snape gets more than his fair share." Celestia grinned.

"Anyway, so this Sue's hair is described as looking like actual honey, she is seventeen and had no idea that she was a witch, and she saw someone going on to the Platform, instead of the typical distraction. Oh, she also became a Dragon animagi in five minutes and is currently a few doors down having a makeout session with Potter. Oh, she also made Peter disappear. Poof, gone, he doesn't exist. And I have _no _idea where the heck _Sirius_ is, but from the looks of it, it doesn't sound like she likes _him_ much either. Oh, and Lupin's due here in three, two, one-"

"LILY! LILY!" Remus ran in to the compartment, gasping for breath. "James- gone- crazy- weird- beautiful- girl- dying- air- help…" He collapsed on the seat, out of breath.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked in concern.

"He'll be fine," Celestia informed her. "Just snap this," She held up a pinkish bracelet of metal with a little snap lock. "On Mary's wrist and save your boyfr- Ahem! I mean, uhhhh, Potter! Go save your Potter!"

Lily frowned, taking the bracelet, which became real in her hand. "Can't you do it? Why me?"

Celestia stared at her. "Lily," she began, "Do I look like I'm in any shape to be kicking sue everywhere? I can't touch something without my hand going through it. I'm a wreck over here. And I won't be able to go back to normal until I bring fresh Sue down to my boss, so please just do me this one little favor, _please!_"

"Wait," Lily began, "You're being punished?"

"Yeah… I was an assassin and I was kinda selling Sue artifacts online, so… Now anyway, go! Go on!" Celestia shooed her out the door.

Lily walked to Potter and co.'s compartment briskly, wanting to get this over with. She was surprised by what she found.

"Oi! You! No snogging Potter! Get off!"

The Sue jumped up. "You're not supposed to exist here!" She cried.

"Well I'm here," Lily glared at her, "So too bad."

Heather lunged, and if Lily hadn't ducked out of the way in time, she would have been Sue-food. The Sue still managed to swipe at her though, and Lily felt her nails scratch at her cheek. The Sue started clawing at her eyes. In turn, Lily tugged at her hair, pulling out clumps. She yanked the Sue's head back and punched her in the jaw.

"Aughh!"

Lily had a bloody nose, and her face looked like a cat had attacked her. The Sue lay on the groung, defenseless. Lily made toward her with the bracelet when the Sue reached over and grabbed James' wand out of his hand. (James was simply sitting there, the Sue not really allowing him to move).

"_Steleus!"_

Lily launched in to an uncontrollable sneezing fit. After at least six sneezes, she finally regained her composure only to see the Sue standing on her feet with the wand pointed at her. Lily whipped out her own wand, and praying that the Sue didn't have the fastest reactions, shouted:

"_Tarantallegra!_"

"_Protego!"_ The Sue blocked the jinx. _"Densaugeo!"_ She retaliated.

Thanks to her friend Karrie having a certain affinity for that particular hex, Lily blocked it easily, and sent the same spell flying back at her.

It struck the Sue, and with a cry, he hands were at her mouth. He flawless teeth were elongating past he lower lip, and as Lily watched in amusement, they grew to her chin and kept growing…

"_Mimblewimble!"_ With a cry of rage, the sue uttered a spell. Her teeth were at her collarbone and they kept growing.

"It huhts!" She cried, grabbing on to James. "Help meh…" She whispered as the effects of the Tounge-Tying curse she had placed on Lily began to wear off.

James jumped to his feet, taking his wand back. _"Conjunctivo!"_ He cried, casting a curse at Lily, which she recognized as the Conjunctivitis curse. Lily barely managed to block it.

A duel with Potter? Typically she would gladly accept this challenge, but not now. Not when he wasn't operating of his own free will…. She would put the poor boy out of his misery.

"_Petrificus Totalus!"_ Lily shot back. Potter fell to the floor as she turned to the Sue, who was sobbing and holding her teeth, which were down to her stomach. "As for you…"

The Sue looked up at her. "P-pleash don't huht meh…." She begged. Her eyes widened as Lily grabbed her hand and snapped the bracelet on.

"_Reducto!"_ Lily shouted, and the Sue's front teeth shattered. Feeling some mercy for the shivering, sobbing girl, Lily quickly regrew the teeth as they were. The Sue looked at the bracelet.

"T-That muffles my Sue powers…"

Lily led the girl back to Celestia.

"Oh my god, Lily!" Shrieked the SDC agent with glee. "Thank you! Oh, wow. You are a mess. Don't worry, Potter and Remus won't remember anything. Everything should go back to normal after this. Thank you so much Lily!"

With a puff of smoke, Celestia and Heather Golden were gone. Lily looked down at herself to realize that she was completely clean and scratch free. The Hogwarts Express wasn't even moving! She realized that the day had started over.

"Lils! Hey Lily!" Marlene called as she and Dorcas jogged into the compartment. "There you are. Ready for out last year?"

"Yeah," Lily replied as Karrie and Alice followed them in. "I'm ready for anything."


End file.
